


Ohana

by Donatello7



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Lilo & Stitch (2002), Marvel (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, I actually managed to work a bit of Rocket angst into this!, Why DonnieSeven and Divisonten should not be left on tumblr without adult supervision
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-17 04:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3514676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donatello7/pseuds/Donatello7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rocket responds to a distress signal from Jumba Jookiba, the scientist who created him. Unfortunately for the Milano, Rocket's 'brother' is very good at stealing ships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mutiny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [divisionten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/divisionten/gifts).



> So, a little while back, Divisionten and me had a bit of a "GOTG prompt" swap on Tumblr. Here's the result of the discussion. Please blame Divisionten for this madness :-)

Milano doesn’t have artificial intelligence installed, but if she did, she would probably be thinking ”of all the crews, in all the galaxies, I get saddled with this one”.

 

Considering that his crew consisted entirely of convicted criminals (records expunged), made up of a thief, an assassin, two brutes and a maniac, Peter supposes that he should only be surprised that Milano's first mutiny took as long as it did to occur.

"Rocket! Open this hatch so I can rip your arms off and beat you to death with them."

"Yes, Gamora, very encouraging." Peter says from the bottom of the steps. "I'm sure he's just itching to open the hatch now."

Gamora turns to the Terran, her voice low. "The scenario I have just presented is preferable to what will happen if I have to open the hatch."

"Relax. Rocket probably just got wind of a bounty or something."

"We are going to miss our rendezvous."

"So we miss out on one job. It's not like we don't have..."

"A job paying seventy five thousands units." She says. "Each."

"ROCKET!" Peter shouts through the hatch. "Count of three then I'm getting the hadron enforcer. One..."

"It's in here with me, humie."

Peter throws his hands up in the air, and walks away, stumbling slightly as Milano hit the split second where the mass of a planet started to combat with her own artificial gravity. "Are...are we landing? Rocket are you LANDING us?"

He feels the moment that the Milano touches down, and decides that the only thing he did that was stupider than letting Drax go off on his 'Warrior Pilgrimage' to the shrine with the unpronounceable name, was letting Groot go with him.

The hatch opens, and Peter has to physically restrain Gamora. Not because he is concerned for Rocket's safety. No, he just wants to throw the first punch. Seventy five thousands units, AND that was leaving off the little fact that Rocket has commandeered HIS ship.

"Oh, hey Quill. Gamora." Rocket says, as if he is just passing them in the...well, okay, he actually IS just passing them in the galley, dragging the hadron enforcer behind him. "How's it going?"

Peter briefly considers letting go of Gamora.

Rocket quietly opens the access hatch, and jumps down onto the planet.

It is four minutes of utter incredulousness before Peter and Gamora return to their senses.

"I am going to turn him into a hat." Gamora shouts, grabbing her knives and jumping down the same hatch. "Spineless Rodent."

Peter doesn't think that it is politically correct to refer to someone whose spine had been replaced with cybernetics as 'spineless', but right now is probably not the time to point that out.

 

They find Rocket sitting cross legged on a rock, hadron enforcer by his side, looking out over a boiling geizer. Dangling upside down over the aforementioned geizer is a burly, pink skinned alien with four yellow eyes and a large, maroon circle of a nose. They can’t see any other features at that moment, as they are concealed under the thick coils of rope holding the alien over the geizer.

"89P13." The alien is shouting, a smile over his face. "My greatest achievement. My...my son! I knew it would be you who responded to our distress signal. I always knew it."

"Yeah. I'm here."

"Hey." Peter says, looking from the alien to Rocket. "Whose he?"

"Dr Jumba Jookiba. Bastard that tore me apart and put me together."

"Who gave you form. Purpose. A life of intelligence, strength, abilities that before you could not have even dreamed off."

"Well why didn’t you just say why we are here?” Peter turns to Gamora, “Okay, we'll need to think about this. Got one of your knives on you, Gamora."

"What for?" Rocket mutters.

"Well, we're going to help you rescue him. That's why you're here, isn't it."

"No." Rocket shakes his head and pats the hadron enforcer. "He and I are going to have a nice chat, and then I am going to sit here and watch him die."

"89P13, surely not you, my first creation, would llet me die before your eyes?"

“Yes. Hence my bringing the H-Enforcer.”

"And Jabba the Hut." Peter says, turning back to the alien. "His name is Rocket."

"Rocket." The alien, Jumba Jookiba, laughs with delight. "Excellent. Your sense of self has developed to the point of desiring a name. You remain my greatest accomplishment."

Peter and Gamora can SEE the fur bristling across Rocket's skin. "Yeah. I'm a masterpiece."

"If only 626 could have been as successful." He says with genuine disappointment. "I tried. I tried to recreate your success. To improve on you. But, sentiment overpowered him. As you know."

"626 is here?" Gamora says, stepping forward. "When we first found Rocket, you said that he had responded to 'our' distress signal."

There was a whine from behind them, and Peter, Rocket and Gamora turn just in time to see the Milano take off and fly into the atmosphere.

"Hey! That's my SHIP!"

"Ah 626." Jumba Jookiba said, looking up (well, down in his case) at the sky. "You always were resourceful."

"That was my ship." Peter turns back to Jumba, pointing at the sky. "You're 626 just..."

“He will be irresistibly drawn towards large cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyones left shoe.”

Both Peter and Gamora looked down, to find themselves looking at bare left feet. “How the hell did he....”

"Do you have another vessel that we can use?" Gamora says, standing between Peter and the upside down alien.

"626 and I crashed here three days ago. The ship is in pieces. 626 was made to destroy, not repair."

"Well." Peter says. "Good thing that my pal Rocket here can do both." He pats Rocket on the arm. "Let's go find the ship." A pause. “And my left boot.”

And the trio walk away.

"But you surely can not leave me here." Jumba shouts, struggling against the ropes before deciding that that was probably not a good idea when dangling head down over boiling water. "You can not leave me. 89P13?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

 

Milano doesn't have any artificial intelligence installed, but if she did, she would probably be thinking something along the lines of "Well, this has escalated quickly."

She would perhaps contemplate the blue fuzzy creature sitting in the pilot seat, muttering in an arcane language as he excitedly tries out each button and knob at his disposal, quickly learning the layout and controls of the ship while also letting out a few lasers and rotating the oxygen tanks.

And Milano would probably think "I am not sure if I am entirely happy with this situation."

And then the creature sets a course for Xandar, and Milano would probably think "Oh well, it will be a story to tell my non existent grandchildren."

 

 


	2. Classic from 1979

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As she watches Nebula fight with 626, Milano is suddenly reminded of this classic from 1979.

Milano doesn’t have artificial intelligence installed, but if she did, she would probably also be wishing for the ability to eat popcorn right now.

 

Because the current situation developing in her galley is highly entertaining.

 

Okay, having Nebula, daughter of Thanos, sister of Gamora and Luphomoid pain in the [insert species appropriate anatomy part here] land on your hull, drill a hole through your airlock, and board you is not actually that fun. That part Milano could have done without, especially as she is actually quite fond of her own paint job. She especially likes the orange bits. She thinks they look like flames. She therefore does not appreciate Nebula making holes in her hull.

 

Which is why she is now going to lend no help to the Luphomoid whatsoever.

 

Nebula is probably expecting to find the Guardians of the Galaxy in the cockpit, and is probably looking forward to getting her revenge against the team that put pay to Ronan’s plans to destroy the world / rule the world / basically cause carnage. What Nebula is perhaps not expecting is to open the hatch to the cockpit, and suddenly find herself with a face full of blue, snarling fuzzy beast.

 

Peter once built a device that could play something called VHS, and he used this to play a VHS that he had found in an old novelty shop on the Rainer homeworld. The VHS was something that Peter called a “classic from 1979” and in this classic from 1979 a character called Kane came into contact with an alien (Face Hugger, she thinks Peter called it) that proceeded to attach itself to Kane’s face like a mask.

 

As she watches Nebula fight with 626, Milano is suddenly reminded of this classic from 1979.

 

626 climbs up onto Nebula’s head, hanging tight to her ears and looking strangely like a slightly psychotic hat. Nebula swipes at the creature as she spins on the spot in the middle of the room, shouting profanities that Milano’s translation circuits think better of researching. Pulling the creature away, Nebula throws him against the far wall of the galley. 626 spins in the air, landing on all four limbs against the wall, and Milano flinches (or would have done, if she had had muscles) as the claws dig into her beautiful internal hull. It was going to take her Terran hours to fix that.

 

626 jumps to the floor and runs past Nebula so fast that she spins on the spot and trips, falling on her rear on the floor. What has tripped her, she quickly realizes, is 626 grabbing her boot and yanking it off of her foot while running past.

 

Shouting more profanities that the circuits avoided at all costs, Nebula chases after the creature, who proceeds to lock himself in the cargo hold. She slams her fist against the door, denting it slightly.

 

Nebula is very luck that Milano does not have artificial intelligence installed, because otherwise the Luphomoid might have suddenly found the galley being vented of oxygen.

 

* * *

 

Jumba Jookiba’s ship had probably been a write-off before it had left the engine in a tree and half the cockpit in a ditch. Luckily, the escape pod was relatively intact and after one hour, and more uses of duct tape than Peter has ever seen, the escape pod is airworthy.

 

While Rocket and Gamora have worked on repairing the ship, Peter has been silently sat with a pistol pointed at Jumba Jookiba’s rather large head. All four eyes of said head have spent the time looking at the pistol.

 

“We’re ready to go.” Rocket calls, as Gamora climbs into the cockpit behind him.

 

“Well.” Peter smiles, and puts the pistol away. “It’s been nice not chatting with you.”

 

“What about me?” Jumba calls from the ground. “Surely you would not leave behind? 89P13, we are family.”

 

Rocket grinds his teeth together. “Cockpits only got two seats, pal.”

 

“Yeah. We’ll come back though.” Peter says over his shoulder as he follows Rocket into the cockpit, “Maybe.” and then closes the door.

 

Rocket sits on the floor between the two pilot seats as the escape pod hits the upper atmosphere.

 

“I have started a trace of the Milano, and hailing frequencies. If 626…”

 

The console between them starts to beep.

 

“What’s that?” Peter points at the little yellow light that has started flashing between them.

 

“It would appear that Milano is hailing US.” She activates the console. “This is Gamora.”

 

“Sister.”

 

“NEBULA.” All three Guardians say in unison.

 

“Sister. I am in possession of the ship that you call Milano. However, I am willing to return it to you undamaged. I have two conditions.”

 

“Yeah.” Rocket shakes his head. “Well here’s what you can do with your cond…” He stops talking when Gamora wraps an arm around his torso, holding him against her chest while also holding a hand over his mouth.

 

“Tell us your conditions.” She says to the com unit.

 

“When you retake your ship.” Nebula says. “You will also take with you the creature that calls itself 626.”

 

Gamora looks at Peter, who shrugs.

 

“Reasonable.” Gamora nods, and turns back to the unit. “What is the second condition.”

 

“When you have retrieved it from 626, you will return to me my left shoe.”

 

Rocket mumbles something under Gamora’s hand.

 

“Okay, Smurfette, we have a deal.” The Terran leans closer to the com unit. “Where do we make the exchange?”

 

“Nova Colony three. I will land there within the hour. I will leave your ship with the creature locked inside on landing pad four. I will also leave forwarding instructions for my shoe.”

 

“We’ll be at Nova Three in two hours. Done.”

 

And the com unit went dead.

 

Rocket started shouting again, and Gamora let go of his jaw.

 

“Your frickin idiots! You’re going to let 626 free on a population center for an HOUR? Did you actually LISTEN to what old Jumba was saying back there?”

 

Peter shrugs. “What is he going to do in an hour? He’s locked on Milano?”

 

Rocket crosses his arms on top of the arm that Gamora still has wrapped around him. “You’ve seen what’s left of Morag, Pete.”

 

“Whoops.”

 

“We need to stop Nebula.” Gamora says, putting Rocket down.

 

“Good luck with that. Milano’s coms are dead and Smurfette’s an hour ahead of us. Face it, we just royally screwed up.”

 

“YOU just royally screwed up.” Rocket says, his arms crossed.

 

“We must do something?”

 

Rocket suddenly jumps up onto the arm of Peter’s chair. “Where’s Groot and Drax’s retreat at again?”

 

Peter shrugs. “S-Yolande 2, it’s the moon of Nova...Nova Three!”

 

 


End file.
